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The Kids Are Alt​-​Right

by Citric Dummies

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • vinyl LP music record
    Record/Vinyl + Digital Album

    deluxe 12" (diameter, not circumference) record pressed on sleek black vinyl which is the same type of material they made the Void/Faith split, Hank Wood and the Hammerheads record, and some sex stuff out of - comes with paper sleeve to protect sleek black vinyl record and cardboard (thicker paper) sleeve featuring artwork by Nathan Ward. if you are not in North America, please buy this from Erste Theke Tontraeger. if you are in Canada or Mexico contact us

    Includes unlimited streaming of The Kids Are Alt-Right via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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1.
People tell us that we sound like The Spits We don’t care People tell us that we sound like The Dickies We don’t care People tell us that we sound like Devo We don’t care People tell us that we sound like shit We don’t care We don’t care who we sound like We don’t care if we’re alright Can’t remember how to play our songs So there’s no need to try and sing along People tell us that we sound like Darkthrone We don’t care People tell us that we sound like Mozart We don’t care People tell us that we sound like Garth Brooks We don’t care People tell us that we sound like shit We don’t care
2.
Bullies, police, shoot ‘em in the head Lifeguard thinks I'm fuckin’ dead Preacher, preacher, go to hell Teacher, teacher, fuck your show and tell I don't like anyone, not you I don't like anyone, it's true Husbands, wives, subs, doms and cucks Sorry girls and boys you're outta luck You can tell my boss I killed myself I don't give a fuck about no one else I don’t like anyone, not you
3.
I am going to pull your pants down around your ankles I am going to suck your dick in front of everyone I am going to fuck you until you love me I am going to make you want to hurt me I am going to suck your dick, you piece of shit I am going to make you sick, you fucking prick Malaria, bubonic plague, chronic dysentery (is what I got) I am going to give you what's inside of me Make another pass at a passerby I am going to make you want to cry I am going to suck your dick, you piece of shit I am going to make you sick, you fucking prick It is going to taste like shit, but that being said I am going to give you head, until you are dead
4.
People are cold and so repressed They’d kill you if they had the chance Walked down the street, saw the Cherry And The Spoon And then I shit my pants Went downtown to get diarrhea From a Pizza Luce slice Rated one of the top ten places to live As long as you are white (and nice) Cuz I h8 Minneapolis Target, Cargill, Best Buy suck We should wipe ‘em off the map All the bands play fuckin stupid shoegaze Or that looping keyboard crap Award-winning food you can’t afford Unless you own a goddamn bank But I shouldn’t complain cuz they treat me well And they don’t care I’m a fake (like them) Cuz I h8 Minneapolis
5.
Walked in to order a cortado at my friend’s coffee shop Looked around and saw a Macbook with a sticker on top It was a picture of Steve Bannon as The Incredible Hulk Then I saw a man grab a guitar and he played Neo-Folk The Kids Are Alt-Right Then I noticed all their haircuts, looking so dapper and nice Reading Ayn Rand and wearing confederate flag bow ties A hipster complimented my boots and he handed me a flyer “The National Policy Institute: Sponsored By PBR” The Kids Are Alt-Right
6.
One man's waste - another's treasure You see shit while I feel pleasure I can't wait to open wide And know how you taste From the inside Are you gonna flush that? Beautiful human waste Are you gonna flush that? Smear it on my face Are you gonna flush that? It never had a chance Are you gonna flush that? Put it in my pants Psilocybin don't grow on trees The Lord resides in your feces Hey you fucker, put down that acid And take a bite of this brown and flaccid So that's the scoop - it's down pat Just one question: Are you gonna flush that?
7.
7am - gotta be to class by 8 Wonder if I'll even have time to masturbate Gotta ton of homework to do and I can't be late Wonder if I'll even graduate College is for losers Systems taking you for a ride Might as well commit suicide Got my student loan check just this afternoon Gonna quit my job and spend it on shit real soon Reacquire all the things in life that I lack No one ever told me that I'll have to pay it all back College is for losers You should throw those books away No one cares about your GPA Not gonna listen to what you say You’re still gonna be underpaid College is for losers
8.
I swipe left and I swipe right No new matches, no end in sight Notice my modem’s looking good Open it up, look under the hood Cuz I made love to the Internet Deep inside the World Wide Web Interface glowing, no regrets Feels so good when I connect Private messages now ignored Kiss my wires when I walk through the door Don’t reply to late night texts Preferences set to “Digital Sex” Cuz I made love to the Internet I made love to, so much love to, I made love to the Internet
9.
I go to the store, I fall on the floor And now I’m upset because I want my mommy Diaper falls off, now I’m getting off Cuz all I want is to be a young boy Covered in filth, I just want my milk But my boss won’t give me back my bottle He says I’m too old He’s says it’s too weird And no one wants to buy stocks from a kid I wanna be your baby I am so small, when I’m six feet tall Protect me from my dumb wife and my big mortgage With food on my bib, put me in my crib And don’t ignore me when I shit myself I’ll give you my Porsche – I’ll have no remorse Just burp me, clean me, and then call me your baby I scream and fuss - this life is too much I can’t handle this damn adulthood I wanna be your baby
10.
If it’s cancer, or gum disease and losin’ teeth Please just let me out If I can’t see enough to read, then there’s a need And there is no doubt I stub my toe, I’m gonna know – it’s time to go End my fucking life A hang nail: I’ll scream and wail, I’m gonna bail Everything goes dark Cuz I’ve enjoyed my slice of life Clean off my plate and say goodnight Vampire bat, werewolf attack Make up a tale of my final breath Tell ‘em all that I died getting high And saving orphaned dogs In a rocket ship, drove off a cliff Or bled to death having tons of sex Choked and died on cream pies, collecting flies But still won the contest This world’s a raging pile of shit Don’t want to be a part of it Kill, kill, kill – everyone who dies
11.
Wake up in the morning and I got nothing to do Got the house to myself and I haven't got a clue Think I'll read a book then paint the living room Then I'll go to the bar, maybe I'll meet somebody cool Suddenly, I forgot you Havin such a great time, don't think I'll go home tonight Think I'll buy an 8ball for later alright Better call a cab, grab some condoms, candles and things That was when she noticed my diamond wedding ring Oh no, oh no, oh no
12.
He’s in the bathroom Been 37 years now - he's gonna flush The whole world down the drain He's Johnny on the plop Can't stop from reaching for another roll Johnny on the plop Hands up, you're reaching around for the world Hey, someone stop him - nobody can stop him He's got the latch on from the inside Gonna have to wait until he's finished cleaning up He's still in there - just in case you’re wondering He's got the latch on from the inside Gonna have to wait until he's finished cleaning up Oh no - won't someone save us all?
13.
I H8 Birds 00:47
I hate their fucking feathers stuffed in shitty pillows I hate it when they chirp and when they fly too low I hate their weird claws and their shiny beaks Barn swallows, sparrows, and Canadian (Canada Geese is the correct term) Geese I hate it when they dive at me, it really freaks me out If there’s too many that I see, I’ll take a different route I don’t care if they eat bugs or stay in their nests Don’t care about the gift of flight, cuz I’m not impressed Don’t care about whose ass they saved in “Lord of the Rings” They swoop down and they shit on all my favorite things I hate it when they dive at me, it really freaks me out If there's too many that I see, I'll take a different route I hate birds
14.
I’m gonna win the sooper bowl I’m gonna kick the field goal They’ll forgive me for my crimes Just in time for half time No more calling me names again I’m gonna make some true friends I’m gonna fuck some cheerleaders Turn my dick to astroturf I’m gonna win the sooper bowl I’m gonna win the bowl I’m gonna win the sooper bowl I’m gonna crush and eat some souls No more sex offender charge Lift some weights, sleep in some cars I’m gonna get so many sacks No conviction for my attack – when I fucked that police dog I will be their rightful god
15.
I’m tired of pretending that I’m doing well When all I’ve eaten for a week is Taco Bell I say that I’m fine when I’m really not Cuz every day feels like a punch in the crotch Kill me, please kill me I don’t want to live but I can’t kill myself I could fall in the shark tank at the zoo Get lost in the great jungles of Peru Cuz this slow death shit isn’t working for me Cigarettes cost too much and I’m sick of drinking Kill me, please kill me

about

15 songs recorded, due out in May on Erste Theke Tonträger in Europe. Limited (not limited edition, you fucking snobs) copies available from us, "the band." contact: lifeissohorrifying@gmail.com

credits

released May 1, 2018

Recorded by Garp Rickleman at Father Community College
All songs originally Written and Performed by Gin Lemon

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Citric Dummies Minneapolis, Minnesota

Brad Armpitt
Bass and Vox

Mark Moleman
Guitar and Vox

Colonel Klink
Drums and Vox

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